Grief is the unsung emotion of life. Its roots are many and wounds run deep. But grief is not the enemy. It is meant to drive us toward holiness.
The Root of Grief
Creation was originally designed perfect. There was no sorrow, pain, nor tears. Man walked in harmony with God. Work was good. Rest was abundant. But sin swept in and turned God’s perfect world upside down. The consequence for sin was painful labor and a cursed world. Grief was the subsequent emotion.
Grief is defined as a deep sadness which inflicts emotional pain. Grief can be inflicted by pain, loss, heartbreak, death, and more. People grieve over a variety of areas and the trigger is not the same for everyone. That doesn’t make grief less for any individual—just different.
The trouble with grief is we tend to avoid allowing it to seep out of our hearts and into our lives. This occurs for a variety of reasons. We’ve seen extreme grief play out in detrimental ways. We fear it. We’ve been told to suppress grief. However, we tend to suppress grief because we don’t have a healthy understanding of what grief looks like or if it’s even allowed.
The very first mention of grief displayed in the Bible was not by man. It was by God. If God experienced grief, then grief in its perfect context is holy.
Man’s relationship with God is unique from the rest of creation because man was made in the image of God. We were designed to reflect God’s character and emotion, including grief. So, what grieves God?
The Father’s Grief
“When the LORD saw that human wickedness was widespread on the earth and that every inclination of the human mind was nothing but evil all the time, the LORD regretted that he had made man on the earth, and he was deeply grieved.” - Genesis 6:5-6 (CSB)
God’s grief was rooted in what he saw. Evil and wickedness permeated every corner of the earth. Over a thousand years passed between creation and the Flood. In that time, sin knew no bounds. Man’s first sin quickly led to murder, jealousy, arrogance, pride, and so much more.
The Father’s grief was roused by man’s wickedness. It was also stirred by his own children’s rebellion.
“How often [Israel] rebelled against him in the wilderness and grieved him in the desert. They constantly tested God and provoked the Holy One of Israel.” - Psalm 78:40-41
We need not feel ashamed or fearful when the world’s brokenness and man’s sin evokes grief. It is heartbreaking to see and experience evil.
Jesus’ Grief
The mystery of the Trinity is that not only do they experience grief together, but each member of the Trinity bears his own mark of grief. Jesus showed us what earthly grief looks like.
“He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” - Isaiah 53:3 (ESV)
Jesus experienced physical pain, emotional distress, and spiritual conflict. He was born as a man and felt every pain that we feel, yet without sin.
- He grieved over his friend’s death (John 11:28-44)
- He grieved over rejection (Luke 19:41-44)
- He grieved over the hardness of man’s heart (Mark 3:1-6)
- He was grieved by the cost of sin (Mark 14:32-36)
Jesus fully understood that to step down from heaven and become a man was to not only bear his own grief, but also take on the grief of every person who ever has and ever will live.
“Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows;” - Isaiah 53:4a
We can barely comprehend our own grief, let alone carrying the weight of another’s in our hearts. Yet, Jesus embraced every ounce of our pain to the point he cried so hard that his sweat became droplets of blood. Jesus’ grief was so intense in the garden that it physically exhausted him (Luke 22:39-45).
Have you ever felt grief so intense that you could not stop crying? If you have, then you are in good company because Jesus has walked that path too. Even more so, he has carried your personal weight.
The Holy Spirit’s Grief
We understand emotional and physical grief, but I think we are prone to neglect spiritual grief within the church. The Holy Spirit is daily acquainted with this grief.
“Therefore, putting away lying, speak the truth each one to his neighbor... Be angry and do not sin… do honest work… no foul language should come from your mouth… and don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by him for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” - Ephesians 4:25-32
Wickedness, evil, sin—these things are grievous to the Godhead, but the Holy Spirit is specifically grieved by sin and disunity in and among Christians. The grief and groaning of the Spirit is just as deep as the tears and droplets of blood shed by Jesus.
The church has responded to sin in many ways. Sin saddens the church. Sin has had a blind eye turned to it within the church. Sin even disgusts the church. But how much stronger would our churches be if individual Christians truly grieved over sin the same way we grieved sudden, heart-wrenching death?
Driving Us to Glory
If you read through this blog hoping to receive a “how-to” on grieving well, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you specifics, because I’m still learning to grieve well too. However, I hope you can see through God’s example that grief is okay and even necessary.
Grief is meant to drive us to our knees, and in doing so, it drives us closer to God. It is never meant to induce a sinful response. It is not to be feared. Grief God’s way leads us to holiness.
We can grieve with hope because one day God is going to make everything new. One day God will dwell with us again. When he does, death, pain, crying, and grief will be no more. We can grieve well now knowing that this promise is faithful and true.
Until that day, it is okay to grieve loss. It is necessary to grieve sin. May we ask God to teach us to grieve like he does and to do it with hope.
